God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize