Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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