smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
