Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
