no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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