guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
