i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
