I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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