She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
