He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont even know how to be here
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
