I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
