You're my little dorito
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Welp...herpes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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