Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
