the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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