Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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