also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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