sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
