Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
