I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
