just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
