Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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