i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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