got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
