Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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