Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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