was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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