Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
