im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
