he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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