it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
