I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
