This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
