I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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