guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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