Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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