My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
