the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
