dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
