Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
