He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
