i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
