I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize