Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
