dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
