i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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