Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): So... how did lowering your standards work out last night? http://tfl.nu/lq5v
  Replies (5) Good night (1242) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos. http://tfl.nu/v11h
  Replies (8) Good night (1683) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick http://tfl.nu/awtp
  Replies (16) Good night (2976) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling http://tfl.nu/ijkr
  Replies (21) Good night (1042) Bad night (6105)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5503) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9905) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  What did I eat last night that was bloody?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): What did I eat last night that was bloody? http://tfl.nu/5wrj
  Replies (30) Good night (1018) Bad night (5247)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry. http://tfl.nu/rf2y
  Replies (7) Good night (1554) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport http://tfl.nu/ckgb
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (1500)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod
  Replies (5) Good night (1226) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear. http://tfl.nu/1shh
  Replies (7) Good night (746) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above. http://tfl.nu/ffte
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Why were you not born a dude?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Because god wanted to level the playing field

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo
  Replies (3) Good night (1046) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs http://tfl.nu/pah7
  Replies (2) Good night (736) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal http://tfl.nu/uo8b
  Replies (1) Good night (182) Bad night (535)

Randomize