Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  True but thats because hes a fetus.

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  (212) True but thats because hes a fetus. http://tfl.nu/yw68
  Replies (6) Good night (726) Bad night (1022)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.

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  (918): Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building. http://tfl.nu/yoz8
  Replies (44) Good night (6207) Bad night (855)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

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  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (45) Good night (24143) Bad night (1278)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars

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  (608): so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars http://tfl.nu/jmti
  Replies (13) Good night (4861) Bad night (623)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again

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  (740): needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again http://tfl.nu/we2r
  Replies (38) Good night (778) Bad night (4488)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (6151) Bad night (962)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

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  (937): She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life. http://tfl.nu/md1r
  Replies (10) Good night (1724) Bad night (5326)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (5373) Bad night (1050)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol

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  (910): he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol http://tfl.nu/9w2c
  Replies (5) Good night (1439) Bad night (688)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.

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  (651): He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler. http://tfl.nu/6sno
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (1516)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.

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  (905): Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists. http://tfl.nu/ucjm
  Replies (3) Good night (2263) Bad night (840)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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  (731): all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were http://tfl.nu/iffh
  Replies (12) Good night (2692) Bad night (789)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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  (814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87
  Replies (1) Good night (1124) Bad night (475)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show

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  (775): Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show http://tfl.nu/uyql
  Replies (4) Good night (1325) Bad night (401)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.

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  (615): How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long. http://tfl.nu/h6mm
  Replies (16) Good night (1313) Bad night (530)

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