he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
