Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
