It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dick very happy bro
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