I'm jealous of your bromance
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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