FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
