Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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