The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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