Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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