when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
