Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
