I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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