this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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