So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
