Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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