he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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