What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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